I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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