During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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