I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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