I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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