So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
