No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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