How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
