i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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