theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
