i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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