When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize