did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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