dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
