nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize