need another drink. this is the easiest way
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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