I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
