i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
