FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
