SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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