census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
