if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
