there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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