My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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