Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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