just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
