you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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