you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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