Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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