two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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