so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
