What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
