you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
