so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
