he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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