i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
