You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My dick has a subreddit
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
