He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
