Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
