your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
