the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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