I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
