Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
