do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
