I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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