I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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