Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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