Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
