you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
