"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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