Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
