so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
