i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
