4 words: hood of his car
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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