Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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