wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
