Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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