turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
