I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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