I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
