weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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