Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
