Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
