Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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