I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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