I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
