your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
