She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
