mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
