1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
