we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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