my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
