Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
