My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
