Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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