I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
