i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
