Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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