a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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