is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
