I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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