I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
