So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
