Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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