Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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