grandma shit on top of the toilet
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she pinky promised me she was 18
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
