Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
