Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
