Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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