i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
