so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
