dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
