Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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