take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
