you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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