Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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